I feel such a fierce need to start 2017 with more honesty this year.
As you see me pose up a storm backdropped by one of my ultimate favourite places in the world, the beautiful National Theatre (an actors dream), as ironically acting for me is all about stripping back roar and portraying the honest truth. So today I'm sharing with you a few of my own never voiced before personal 'Home Truths'. Although I'm a bit of anti-New Year Resolutions and Dry January (lasted 4 days) type of lass, I do appreciate the idea of starting the year on a fresh new fabulous slate.....
......1| I love blog writing but sometimes feel so vulnerable. I think it's because I'm so particular and a perfectionist that at times I get myself in a right writing puddle. I just want to sound and come across like the real me. A women from Dagenham, living in London, who adores language (text), art, fashion and everything in between.
2| Until this week I've actually been a big enormous fake friggin fashion blogger as I've never ever had my own fancy luxury camera (that does all the tricks). I used to steal my bf or ask people to street style snap me on a phone. (I'll be writing all about my new fancy camera once I learned how to work it! Doh!)
3| I have way too many clothes. I keep doing markets to get rid of baggage but I'm still holding onto items that I'll never ever wear again. I think because of the majority of my pieces being vintage they're a little bit harder to let go of....but this year is time to let go...
4| I feel a huge amount of pressure to be the perfect gf, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect aunt, perfect best friend, perfect friend, perfect family member, perfect colleague, perfect godmother and perfect everything of life......I feel guilty if on some days I can't face it all and rather lie in bed watching movies and not look at my phone. I feel like I'm being selfish but on 'them days' a movie is essential....
5| I love making others see that anything is possible....because it bloody is.
6| I have a fear of driving on motorways that I try to explain to people but they look at me like I'm a freak. It's uncontrollable and so frustrating because I've always easily driven everywhere since I was 18. Up motorways on far journeys without thinking twice but now I can't do them because I panic...and I think it's getting worse. It could be post traumatic stress which I hoping to seek help on.
7| I love staying positive, which I know grates on people. Moody is seen as cool and hip but that just isn't me. I love inspiring people, making the most of life and overusing the word F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.
8| I lie to myself and others about how much I spend on clothes. Generally it's all cheap vintage finds but I really should stop shopping for clothes I don't actually need (confessions of a shopaholic).
9| If you didn't know I'm a trained actress and I've never studied fashion in my life (Apart from graphic GCSE's). All of the styling I wear on a daily basis because I've always dressed like a granny and been slightly over obsessed with vintage clothing. I like to rebel against the norm and don't really follow trends (although along the lines I think I must do). I really enjoy the history of fashion and just want to continue to inspire people even if I don't know all of the fancy lingo. Fashion for me is more about expression, feeling good and not really trying too hard.
10| I'm bad at sleeping. It's not a sleep deprivation thing, I just rebel against myself and don't sleep when I should. I'm definitely a night owl person.
11| I really want to ask my dad why he wasn't in my life for my childhood. We have such a closer relationship now but I've never had closure on why I grew up feeling like I wasn't good enough for him. I loved him so much (always will) and used to count down the seconds until he picked us up....but then he just wouldn't turn up or be hours late. I never knew where my dad lived for many years growing up and I think that tailored the person who I am today. Rejection made me strong and independent but I feel like that abandonment still plays on my mind. I've forgiven him but I would like to ask him why........but struggle to know how to address the sensitive situation correctly. I think you do need to deal with the past in order to move forward in the present (real talk).
Hat | Beyond Retro | Vintage Top | Mint Vintage | Addidas Vintage Tracks | Beyond Retro | Platforms | Topshop (Not online but try in store, also Topshop - similar here) | Faux Stole | Topshop (Not online but try in store or Similar here - New Look)
Photography | Margarita Karenko
THE LOOK
I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THESE VINTAGE ADIDAS ORIGINAL EXPANDABLE WAIST TROUSERS FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS. PICKED UP THE SILVER METALLIC PLATFORMS IN EDINBURGH'S TOPSHOP JANUARY SALE. AND STILL OBSSESSED WITH PINK AND LOVE THE LIFE OF THIS TOP! THE HAT YOU'VE SEEN ON MY BARNET A BILLION TIMES AS IT'S A TRUSTY WARDROBE ACCESSORY.
12| I flipping hate Ikea and just anything that consists of walking around big buildings and looking at loads of stuff. I just find it so boring and I'm just not that girl.
13| I haven't exercised since November, since the winter started basically. I've just eaten thousands of biscuits. I used the excuse that I needed new trainers for weeks, but the truth is I'm bloody lazy in winter. (I'll get back at it in spring!)
14| I wished that more and more people spoke to each other. For example I see so many interesting people in London that I'd love to stop and talk to without coming across as a creep. I know not everyone has the time to chat but I think we should all talk to each other more.
15| I love breaking stereotypes of what I 'should' look and sound like.....
16| I work in between acting jobs one to one with autistic children. It's the most rewarding job I've ever done. Extremely challenging and demanding but I just love seeing a child find their own voice and gain confidence. I think alot of children who don't academically achieve become invisible through the education system. And I see it first hand starting at such a young age.
17| I was never that good at receiving compliments and never really knew how to take a compliment properly, because I used to think the person saying the compliment was just being nice or lying. I now say thank you and believe what they've said...(just).
18| Although I was brought up Christian I really can't decide on a religion that I strongly believe in. I would say I'm more Christian than any other.....but still unsure. I believe in spirits and consider myself quite spiritual....But I have no idea wtf to believe to be honest.
19| I spend way too much wasted time on bloooody Instagram. I literally have to shout at myself to stop. I'm obsessed!
20| I have no filter on my mouth at times, I can be very ditzy and don't think before the words come out of my mouth. For example I asked the other day if whiskey had meat in it. I said that aloud and my hairdresser just looked at me like wtf! He knows I'm crazy and to be fair he is loopy also. But I just come out with such utter crap at times that again I have no control over. I think it's the true Dagenham in me. (no offence Dags)
There you go a few open confessions to kick start 2017! Honestly felt so bloody liberating to say and write aloud.
Would you ever write down a few home truths that you maybe mentally hoarding for a SOUL freeing 2017?
(I only planned to write 5-10 and couldn't stop writing!)
x
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