Today I'm sharing with you three things that I've discovered about this magical, wonderful and terrifying thing called life in the mid thirties, so far. Btw I like to say thirty to thirty three is early thirties, thirty four to thirty seven are the mid thirties and thirty eight to thirty nine is them late thirties ok! Enjoy, and do share in the comments below how you're finding living in the fabulous thirties.
*Trigger warning, this post includes topics of trauma, suicide and anxiety.
Reflection
Due to the pandemic it was the first time as an adult that I've ever had to stop the routine of everyday life. I had no distractions from work, family or social time. And as a freelancer, work always has to come first. So due to the lack of business I couldn't bury myself with distraction, which is something I've always done in the past. Instead of racing forward I had nothing to hide behind and finally found myself having to pause and take a long hard look in the mirror. Now, I'm not sure if any of that makes any sense to you? But to help with understanding - In my twenties I spent a lot of my time not knowing what the fudge I was doing. I went through huge amounts of trauma due to a loss of a parent and I made a lot of mistakes. I was pretty wild back then (still am slightly) and just didn't know who I really was. So jumping to the last two years I've learned the benefits of being still, in order to become more present. And because of that time on my hands I was able to go back to my past and face it by reflecting in depth with a professional therapist. By talking to someone who doesn't know me I was able to get so much off my chest, and articulate overwhelming thoughts and feelings built up in my head. Had I not been forced to stop work and stay home, I doubt I would of made the time to do that and probably continued to tuck all my lost feelings under the carpet.
Again pretty tricky to fully explain on here but I honestly feel like reflection and the exploration of talking aloud has changed me (I will be sharing all my thoughts on therapy soon). I don't know if life reflection is something that everyone does at some point in their thirties consciously or subconsciously, but I highly recommend it.
Pressure to conform
If you're in your thirties and haven't done certain things with your life, you will probably know why I'm bringing this topic up. For me personally the hints of conformity to live life in a certain way started with Walt Disney. Yes very very young in the late eighties and early nineties when I was roughly between five to seven years old. Now, of course we know other life social structures such as - education, upbringing, religion, lived experiences, world observation, culture, class, place of birth and more also play a huge part in conformity from childhood. But I'm personally talking about my own vivid strong memories of watching princess films like Snow White, Cinderella and Aladdin on vhs and thinking hmmm? I mean did Disney childhood films in the eighties and nineties have characters of single mothers or single fathers? If not, why? I also vividly recall growing up with friends speaking about their dreams of wearing a white dress down the aisle and me thinking hmmm? And jumping on to twenty seven to early thirties I remember being asked many times over and over (by different people, including those I had just met) When are you getting married and When are you having a baby (or questions alluring to that). These blunt questions always felt quite rhetorical and more like a demand. As if marriage and children is something automatically expected of a woman in her thirties (but not men).
The pressure to fit in and align with everyone else can feel very overbearing for someone in their thirties even in today's 'modern' society. That expectation on our bodies has always felt unjust. In twenty twenty why should anyone judge what you should or shouldn't be doing with your life? Where do these embedded presumptuous judgements really stem from and do they really matter? Me personally I have always rebelled against the 'norm' yet that doesn't mean that I don't want babies or marriage, but it does mean the pressure to conform shouldn't dictate when I do (or if I do) and the same goes for you. I think the language used in these typically loaded questions on women, especially in their thirties needs to evolve and change. I'm so thankful that my parents never pressured me to conform 'You do you because you are on your own path'.
Boundaries
Set healthy boundaries and take control. I only properly learnt how to set clear boundaries last year. The thirties has allowed me to understand the power of kindly saying no, which has actually improved relationships with the people I love around me. As life is precious, so don't forget that you deserve to give yourself dedicated you time too.
I have to quickly mention to you how fabulous these new incredible Nobody's Child light wash blue denim jeans have been to style and wear recently. From reading my previous
style posts, you will know that I can be very particular about the sturdiness and quality of blue denim jeans. I basically struggle with hunting jeans that both compliment the figure and feel great on. But these NC jeans match all my casual everyday jeans style requirements and more. I would even wear these jeans instead of the vintage Levi's that I've had for years (shh just don't tell the seventies). If you love old school classic denim you'll love these. Blazer - Vintage - Similar - Etsy - Jeans - Nobody's Child - Bag - Jacquemus.
Photography - Zoe Griffin
Thanks for reading.
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