TRAVEL - At The Edge of Paradise - Part 8 - SAN FRANCISCO

At The Edge of Paradise

Santa Barbara. San Diego. San Francisco

Back on the dusty road again we were heading west this time straight to the heart of San Diego, a lovely four hour drive away. As me and the wife were no longer a duo act due to our good friend Geezy joining us, we nicely became a lucky trio. Which meant the dynamics of our survival group had naturally changed. We now had a third person to consider on this wee venture. G had also kindly offered to take the driving reigns for her first road trip journey having just joined us in Vegas. In fact G couldn't wait to get tucked in behind the 'Thelma' automatic wheels, which was a huge delight for us especially Shaz. Actually can we just give that girl a big roaring round of applause. She practically had to adapt, think fast (as I dropped her in it) and drove us half way across USA in not the easiest of weather conditions. I mean my eyes were firmly on the road too and we only had one near miss where the tiredness struck Shaz, but she probably felt the strain at times but never ever showed it. In fact I think she loved it! Wild and Free on the open road. An Essex Wonder Women is our Shaz.  Also what a great life achievement she now has and one treasured memory to tell her grandchildren about.

Now a good three weeks into our little summer journey back on the road towards the California breeze something in me had changed. It felt like I could feel already what an impact this trip was making on my life. I'm not sure if it was not having the strain to carefully watch the road as much but I distinctly remember seeping into the surroundings around me. My eyes could see. I could sit back and enjoy the ride. 

As I released each breath it felt like the snag deep inside of my being was finally unlocked........the dark detaining demons I had buried inside of me were quickly vanishing. Why does sitting in a moving car looking out do that to you? It's very cliche but I can honestly say it's true. If you take away all the fuss and your left with just you. Roar and the open road it allows you to free your mind, clear your thoughts and just be.  I don't feel like I can write this post honestly without mentioning what I had been through prior to this booked trip. (Deeep breath) Especially as I want it all to make sense. I debated with myself and others as to whether I should delve so deep personally into the next segment which you are about to read. But I think as this is my blog and effectively I can write what the hell I like why not. It's my truth. So here I go.....

I lost my mother. I didn't know how to deal with certain emotions that I didn't even know existed in my body. Instead of facing them I ignored them. I was in denial for quite a long time. I blurred that whole time of my life out and pretended like I was okay. Looking back I think I was in shock. We never ever thought she would pass...Ever. A year after was when I started to really grieve and then I was just very angry with the world, I hated myself, I hated everyone and everything around me. I nott the type of person to even use the word hate. My grieving quickly turned into a pretty dark place that I know I can never ever go back to. (It's very difficult to articulate this in to clear words so do bare with me). The bereavement  process triggered depression and I didn't see the point of my existence. I had always been such a carefree loving life strong person so depression really caught me off guard. I would ask myself odd questions every day like why am I here. I like so many people out there had been experiencing a lot of pain and turmoil that I couldn't escape from. Loosing a parent is not something I ever thought I would have to go through. Death is never ever spoken of, it just unfortunately isn't. Sounds silly but I felt like I had no training in it or how to deal with it. No one close to me had ever passed in my family. But I don't think looking at me you would've of ever known I was in such a destructive place mentally. On the outside I was smiling and became aware that I didn't want people around me to worry. Everyone has their own shit to deal with so why on earth would I burden them with mine. Saying that I'm very lucky that I had friends and family to talk to (as I know a lot of people don't) if I needed to reach out but I just didn't. I found that time very overwhelming and from someone who really dislikes labels I had suddenly turned into a girl who's mum had died instead of just Tracy. I felt pity towards me. It just all felt weird. The state I was feeling was my own little secret that no one knew of, (and probably still don't know) I had no control over it. My very close friends had a slight inkling but I'd brush it off if they did question me, they would advise me to go to the GP for help. But I think one of the first hurdles with any mental illness is facing the fact that you actually have a problem. Even then I used to lie and be in full repudiation of these unpredictable emotions I was feeling. I mean talking about depression is probably a place for a different blog post but I couldn't write this and pretend. I wanted to note to myself when I re-read these blogs to my older self of what type of place I was in mentally and how I got through it. Thankfully I'm not in that place anymore. I had never ever suffered from depression before, I didn't know how to deal with it so I isolated myself alot in fear that I was going crazy. 

But during my time on the road I started to feel like me again. I was facing myself head on. Nothing to hide behind. No fuss, no phones, no distractions. Living out of a back pack with no real home I felt strong and said a big F U to the demons. It's crazy that all of the emotional feelings I felt during this road trip are still so vivid in my mind. Thoughts. Feelings. Mood. Misery. I let go of it all. Travelling pushes your physical and mental limits. Again without sounding cliche but it made me feel free.

Travelling allowed me to step away and really reflect on the last five years. I now understand why that happened to me and it's actually quite understandable really. I had been through a lot at a very young age but it's made me even stronger and happier. I was sinking fast and the illness attacked me as I was weak. No way will I ever allow that to ever happen to me again. I will never get them years back. But I know where I'm heading. I'll never forget my mother and I'll always have an angel watching over me. How lucky am I :-)

Road trip of a lifetime view.  

So let's step back on that dusty open road along the Californian freeway, pretty fast too! Geezy is also a wild one. Here we were making a much needed pit stop at my favorite famous In n out diner!

I was so friggin excited as I had always wanted to go to an In an Out, hence the I'm actually walking out of a In and Out photo. 

So we arrived into San Diego evening time. Yes G had already broken one of our never driving long distance after dark rule but hey she got us there. San Diego International Hostel was our accommodation for the next two nights.We were all pretty tired and looking forward to a warm clean bed.  Now travelling is great for making you lose all inhibitions but we unfortunately found male pubes in our beds that night which actually made us die with laughter. I mean first hand we were absolutely disgusted but once we phoned the reception and they just practically laughed at us down the phone we just had to laugh along at the situation. I mean frigging pubes! We belly laughed that evening. I think I slept in my suit case that night as I was just too tired to think clearly. The hostel offers shared rooms on a prime location bang in the middle of the high street. (Which meant you heard the noise of the town all night) Apparently San Diego doesn't sleep either. The local bars were a stone throw away from our hostel rooms. I am still 100% recommending this large hostel (forget the pubes) especially if you are on a budget. The hostel is one of the biggest ones we stayed in.They hold lots of events to get people together especially if your travelling alone, which I think is sweet. On our second day we visited San Diego's old town, rode the trams, ate along the pacific ocean in a random wooden hut. In the evening we went to the busy bar across the road. I haven't really spoken too much about the people you meet travelling yet (so much to include, eeek!) I think I'll include that in my final travel post but the people you meet are just bloody incredible. Good people do exist.

After two sleeps we were off to our next town Santa Barbara as a stopping station towards San Fran. The Journey took 4 hours. The driving scenes we were so lucky to see blew our minds. Our favourite tunes blaring (West Coast - Lana Del Rey)hitting the California road hard along the pacific ocean felt like an actual dream. The camera I had was a bit naff so these images don't really do the scenes the justice they deserve.  

Another pit stop. (In and Out is the best!)

We arrived at our Santa Barbara Motel. I don't have any pics but it looked exactly like the previous motels we had already stayed in. Full of motel character. We slept and rose earlier the next morning for another four hour journey to San Francisco.

Our new home was the downtown Courtyard Marriott Hotel (which was quite posh for us). We fitted quite a lot in the 4 nights we were there. Looking back I really loved that we were all quite big adventurers. Each of us every day would wake up over excited for the day ahead. Gearing to face and embrace whatever would be thrown at us. A wonderment of what this beautiful city had to offer. For me it never ever got boring. We all got stuck in, no one lagged behind as we just got on with it (Dagenham birds, lol). I think that's really important when your travelling as a group. Oh I also have to mentioned that on our third night during the early morning we experienced our very first encounter with an earthquake. The walls legit moved from side to side along with the ground for a good 10 seconds. It was crazy! I was actually on the phone to a love one in the Uk at the time, I remember it being late well into the morning around 2am. I actually said that the rooms moving and that I thought it was an earthquake. G woke up and shouted earthquake. We joked but the next morning we found it all over the news and it actually was an Earthquake. My dad text me asking if I was ok. So crazy and surreal to think we actually experienced an earthquake. Breaking News! YOU JUST HAVE TO TRAVEL IF YOU GET THE OPPORTUNITY! Not for earthquakes but just for them small awakening moments. (Did I MENTION AN EARTHQUAKE)

San Francisco map reading and street walking. We walked everywhere.  

Ticking Alcatraz Island off of our life list. Pretty booked out so we didn't get a chance to go inside so this is my quick snap from the San Fran bay.

Golden Gate Bridge We all fell in love with this bridge, we walked over it, drove along it (twice) and jumped on a dodgy boat to go under it. But why you ask! It's just a bridge. The boat is where I've never laughed so hard in my life, the wind was so wild that day and the under current was literally throwing our little boat from side to side. People were being sick on the boat and our safety cover flung over board. Still the best experience Ever.  

We explored the streets and found the house where Mrs Doutfire (fav film) was filmed in honor of Robin Williams.

We visited Haight Street which is the coolest place in San Fran. I haven't stopped talking about. It's a place I would love to revisit. Haight is full of so much history and being the inner hippy that I am a place I felt belonged too. Lot's of amazing cafes, vintage clothing, music stores and bars on this iconic street.

I have to also talk about the Tenderloin District that we unintentionally stumbled through to get to Haight Street. If ever there was a time when I felt intimidated on this trip or worried about our safety this district was initially it. I got called the N word in passing but in a endearing kind of way from an american man who looked high on drugs. The Tenderloin area is renowned for it's homeless community so be prepared for that in San Fran, (unfortunately there are lots of homeless people in San Fran) but after the initial Oh sugar I think we've taken another wrong turn, duh! we were actually fine. Again a huge eye opener as we were in and amongst it all on the streets. A few probably had guns but I actually felt safe around them. It was just surreal and again felt like a scene out of a film. Tenderloin District is probably one of the places we were told not to go to but you know what I think if your visiting a town you should see all aspects of it, like London not everywhere is rosy and Jim. I want to see the real America and that day we did. 

We walked through a beautiful national park to finally reach the pacific coastline to gain another view of the Golden Gate Bridge. 

Rock climbing through the park.

Totally worth it. 

Golden Gate Bridge

My rucksack I picked up from a native american shop in Phoenix. 

Forever Young. Forever Free

On our last day we went up in the mountains for a bird eye view of San Francisco from Twin Peaks.

We were here!

Thank you so much for reading. 
A bit of a deep life post today.

Next stop and the last chapter 
LA BABY!

My Look, 
My Style
Flora Maria 
XX

Back to Black

Back to Black

Black is my ultimate go to colour. Especially after the stuff my face with food season. It's when I feel the most comfortable, which is quite important to me. I do like to add a bit of texture like this corduroy vintage shirt that I purchased recently from Urban Outfitters and the jeans are also UO from the BDG jean range. The super skinny jeans are highwaisted and have literally been stuck on my legs since Christmas (or my black American Apparel thick leggings). I've had these for a while so they're now quite worn in and faded which I actually love. I styled my all black look with my never let me down Missguided Chelsea boots, (which are also the comfiest things ever) and my vintage Pop Boutique suede slouchy jacket that I know isn't black but so easy to throw on and wear. Quite a basic look today which I hope you like.

What's your go to colour to wear?  

Thanks for reading.

My Look

My Style

Flora Maria

XX

TRAVEL - At The Edge of Paradise - Part 7 - LAS VEGAS!

At The Edge of Paradise

LAS VEGAS

The End. This is actually from the morning that we left Las Vegas. After five days and four non slept nights beneath that smile is a mouth dry for water and had probably just puked (sorry). Under them blacked out shades are lost eyes. How I stood for this capture I'll never know..........Is that actually a wedding ceremony happening behind me or was that my Las Vegas toxic mind fooling me. NOPE that was 100% Elvis Presley conducting a beautiful outside wedding. (I got to meet him yaaaay) I'm not sure if I'm photobombing them or the Las Vegas vowel exchange is photobombing me! EITHER WAY LET'S BEGIN.....

Over the open road, through the wild dusty desert, along the mountain cliffs we found our way to the mighty Las Vegas bubbling city. (Living in a bubble ) We reached in record time of under 3 hours from The Grand Canyon. Shaz literally drove like a mad women across the nothing but desert landscape which was truly breathtaking. We definitely felt like the iconic Thelma & Louise driving the Canyon that day. And if ever our little Thelma (car) was needing her own 'Thelma and Louise' moment that drive was it. Me and Shazza had one hundred percent embodied them ladies that day. We turned up looking pretty scruffy but ready for the wild rapid city!

This isn't a shot of our luxury hotel I'm afraid. Nope we weren't making The Mirage our new home. We did budget for the not so glamorous but well within our travelling budget Casino Royale Hotel, which was standing directly opposite along the Las Vegas strip. Our Casino Royale hotel had tons of the characteristics that we had now naturally become accustom to during our road trip.The tiny hotel lift was constantly out of order and the corridors stunk of the familiar funky smell we already knew too well. BUT if you are on a budget I'm highly recommending this little place. The rooms were super clean, had all the daily necessity you'll need for a just wanting a base and bed to sleep in visit. Sheets were also clean and the bathroom was fairly big. We planned to be out majority of the time so it was perfect for us. The flamboyant famous Wyn, Encore or Bellagio hotel's had nothing on our new gaff. (hahahahaha)

Once belongings dumped and jumping up and down on our Las Vegas budget hotel bed had been done, we headed straight for a cocktail and refresh at the closet salon we could find! (Back packers life!) The salon we found actually had a DJ and cocktail bar too! We just wanted to embrace it all feeling a little more fabulous in ourselves. Entering the Las Vegas strip I instantly felt Big inside as everything is so BIG around you. BIG cars, BIG enormous buildings, BIG bright lights and the speed in which you are living also instantly doubled in SIZE. BIG in The Fast Life.

Encore Beach Club

BELLAGIO HOTEL FOUNTAINS

Flamingo Famous Hotel. Hi photo bomber :-)

Hakkasan Restaurant Dinner

Break fast - Beach club - grab lunch -  our hotel - got ready for a restaurant for betting/dinner/nightclub - betting - dinner - night club - after party - the after morning party -  Break fast - Beach club - grab lunch -  our hotel - got ready for a restaurant for dinner - night club - after party - the after morning party  

Eat. No Sleep. Rave. Repeat.

Along the Las Vegas strip.

Underneath Bikini. 

Resting selfie.

Bed.

Tryst Night Club. 

Will iam DJ set behind us (screen). 

Our bestie Cihan nick named 'Geezy' joined us for the rest of the crazy road trip in Las Vegas. Love this girl. She unfortunately nearly fainted on her arrival due to the scorching heat in Vegas. Never felt heat like it. No air. But she got back on to the fast lane. 

A mall with a full on Italian canal running through it.

Beautiful fountains.

Betting.

Our last night sat at a restaurant with a open perfect view of a the strip and our sexy BIG deserts. 

Las Vegas was everything I could of never imagined and more. Another 'you have to see it' moment but you do. Everyone we encountered had a super friendly, buzzing infectious free spirit. If I'm honest lots of flashing lights, bling, designer shoes, false perfect teeth, big money and the extreme high pace living has never really ever appealed to me however I can tick Las Vegas off my life list. I do love to party and usually the last one standing but V city is up on the highest grandest scale which I literally couldn't keep up with but a place that will live in my heart forever. I will be coming back especially to visit the shooting ranges, chapels and to watch a Las Vegas show (sold out, book in advance) as we couldn't fit it all in whilst there. 

LAS VEGAS BLVD, VENETIAN, PARIS HOTEL, WET REPLUBLIC, BEACH CLUB, WEN HOTEL, CASINO, MGM, COSMOPOLITAN, BELLAGIO HOTEL, BELLAGIO FOUNTAINS, ENCORE BEACH CLUB, FLAMINGO HOTEL, MET ELVIS A BILLION TIMES, DESERT DRIVING, 6AM, 4AM, HAKKASSAN RESTAURANT, HAKKASSAB CLUB (NUMBER 1 CLUB IN THE WORLD) TRYST NIGHT POOL, XS CLUB, WILL IAM DJ SET and much more madness. Budgets were blown. I lost at gambling but won at life. 

Viva Las Vegas!

Thanks for reading. 

My Look

My Style 

Flora Maria 

XX

Hi the real Elvis at the Flamingo hotel. 

TRAVEL - At The Edge Of Paradise: Part 5/6 - 'PHOENIX AND THE GRAND CANYON'.

So it's 2016! OMG where has the time actually gone! As it's at the fresh start of the year when we are all naturally reflecting on the year we've just had and looking out on the year in front of us. I thought it's the perfect time to continue my 'At The Edge of Paradise' chapters. I'm still thoroughly enjoying writing them and visually looking back on the fearless fun we both had. I'm also still celebrating the fact that neither of us accidentally died. I'm still very proud of us (Wow that was hard to say! Complimenting yourself is tricky) But I am! 

Day two into 2016 and me and the wife are already discussing location travelling plans for 2016. Wohoooo! If anyone has any recommendation please let me know. Cambodia and South American are grabbing us at the moment but we are open for ideas. Kind of want to stay away from the typically tourist locations. (Oops I'm side tracking slightly, right back to current blog) 

I also wanted to continue with sharing my experience for anyone who is contemplating biting that big old bullet and embarking on a little travelling adventure themselves! (DO IT!)

I've bunged part five and six together to speed things up as I would ideally like to finish this travel chapter stuff by Christmas lol (This month, sorry it's taken forever). Right once again I'm closing up my mouth and welcome to- 

At The Edge Of Paradise - 'PHOENIX AND THE GRAND CANYON' - Part 5.

(Grab a hot chocolate)

(Previous part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here and part 4 here) 

Enjoy!

Back on that 'road trip' road again and currently in a 7 and 1/2 hour journey from down south we had finally reached the Arizona state. Excited!

But literally five minutes after jumping out of the car to take our 'We were here' memorabilia picture, we unfortunately got pulled over on the free way by officer Jared aka A COP. He wanted all our papers immediately and initially stopped us as our sat navigation was illegally placed in the middle of the front windscreen rather than on the dashboard. He gave us a little telling off and wished us a pleasant trip. At the time I was cracking up and I discreetly (naughty) took this picture. Duh! It felt just like the movies being pulled over in America. Big badges and flashing vehicle sirens blaring. We loved it! I've never been pulled over before especially not in a foreign country. (Another story to tell the kids!) 

So I have to share with you the wrong turn or move we took to get us to Phoenix. 

Before our journey looking at the map and cutting down time we thought it would be a great idea to drive through a national park instead of around it. Now the US national parks are nothing like ours in the UK. In our head's we thought a little lake or stream with a bit of greenery. Well no a national park US style means literally driving on a cliff edge with no barriers. Whoops! I'm gutted that I didn't take a picture of the steep cliffs we drove up or the picturesque scenes before us that were pretty epic. I think we were both far too busy holding on to our safety seat belts. Another factor we forgot to take in was petrol! Not only were we driving in an epic National Park, we were now (perfectly timed. NOT!) driving on the red as we forgot to top up the fuel tank beforehand. Badly kicking ourselves as we had both been getting exceptionally better at this planning our routes stuff and keeping Thelma fueled ready for the road ahead. That morning we slipped up...........Badly.

Oh did I mention it was sweltering in desert heat (because Phoenix is essentially desert land) now with only very hot bottled water in the car. With the car notifying us with the annoying stupid low petrol beeps, we were kind of in BIG BIG trouble. Why us? Actually only us! We thought we had this travelling thing sussed. Another panic moment between us (we've had a few now) WHAT THE BEEP DO WE DO!!?? Is the question we asked eachother. Although this had been the best experience of my life I didn't want my family to deal with my body being eaten by rodents in an American National Park because we had stupidly took a wrong turn to save time and STUPIDLY ran out of petrol. I mean had neither of us watched 'Wrong bleeding Turn'. So with the car beeping and the road journey ahead of us forever extending and no cars in sight against us we were doomed........until wifey remembered that the sat navigation system had already been pre-programmed to find the nearest gas station to our gps location. Bingo! I mean is she the best or what! (You can tell she's a teacher by trade. Super planner) Who thinks of that. Shazza! Shaz saved the day. (again) So with a few clicks on the navigation machine we had found the closet gas station still in the middle of the forest only 2 miles away. Another diversion actually the opposite way to our Phoenix, Scottsdale destination but we didn't care we needed gas pretty fast.

I really wish again we took a picture or at least filmed the area of the rescue gas station which was surrounded by absolutely nothing apart from big hefty tall trees and desert land. These abandoned perfect eerie film locations do actually exist. Once pulled in now fueling Thelma right up, a lovely truck with a dog in the back and only what I describe as a hillbilly (sorry to be sterotype but that's exactly what he looked like) pulls up beside us. The dog looks ill and mean. I definitely weren't looking to see the driver in full capacity, my judgement was merely on using my peripherals (you know when something instinctively feels bad and you don't have the bottle to look) but they were spot on. Luckily we had finished with the gas and it was a pay at bay quick station. Once back in the car I could feel the truck hillbilly driver staring right at us. They do exist. Me and Shaz without speaking said to each other. Let's get the F out of here. And that we did. 

Now we can both laugh at that part of our trip and we do all the time. But we were both absolutely petrified in them very stressful moments that day, but we knew we'd be okay. Things could of gone differently but  I honestly think someone or something was guiding us along the way. Shaz felt it too. Crazy but so true. 

Lot's of Cacti plant and gigantic dinosaurs into Phoenix. 

We finally reached our hotel The Saguaro Scottsdale.

The luxurious Saguaro hotel that we again found on offer. How?......I have no idea because it was more like a 5* hidden gem . We badly needed this after our journey ordeal and our past beds being somewhat damp, cold or moldy but full of character. This place was like living a dream. We actually extended our stay for one more night at an extra cost. Three nights of heaven done. 

We were soon back on the road again heading 3 and 1/2 hours towards the Big Grand Canyon. Through the cliffs. 

We made it. Behind are our lodges Maswik Lodge, Grand Canyon Village which stank of the outdoors life (hahaha). We were literally in the middle of a national park with wild boars and animals running around. In the wild The Canyon turns completely pitch black at night with the smallest of street lights provided. Luckily we had a torch! Back packers life! Very exciting times. I mean we did kindly ask for an adventure of a lifetime! 

That night we were lucky enough to get to The Grand Canyon edge just before Sunset. It was beautiful. We cried. No words will ever describe the feeling and emotions we felt at this very moment..............

Once again mind completely blown. Another wonder of the world ticked off the list. Yaaaaay! Looking back I wish I had a better camera at the time to truly capture every single dent and detail of the touching landscape around us, but at the same time no picture will give The Canyon justice. You just have to see it to believe it. I have my vivid memories for that. Again cheesy but so true. A miracle. A mystery. A shared fond Memory. 

The fast life never ends. The next morning before we set off on our road trip tracks, me and Shazza had to of course do the obligatory flash YOUR BOOBIES to The Wild Canyon. You can't take the Essex out of us! Loved every single second! I guess we can be proper grown up's in our sixties or seventies!

Next stop Part 6 

Las Vegas (4 hours)!

Please let me know if this piece has hopefully inspired you in some way. Even to book a travelling trip (and hopefully not put you off!lol) YOU CAN DO IT!

At the end of these chapters I'll be doing an itinerary of all the places we stayed and tips on the trip in case they help your Route 66 journey. Planning can be overwhelming so why not share.  

Thank you for reading!

My Look,

My Style

Flora Maria

XX